So... What am I waiting for?

God, I really can't be deep right now. I am jealous of all of these seemingly happy women out there. I want a healthy relationship with a man who will be my husband and yes, sex, is a big part... okay... partof that. I want to be needed and loved andpart of something where I feel and touch someone else. I don't want what they have. I want what you have for me. Yes, Lord, I am selfish and vain and feeling sorry for myself. God, help me. I think I only feel this way so strongly because our relationship is not where I think it should be. I feel like I've been missing you. I feel like I keep missing you. I am in the right activities, but GOD where is our connection? Am I allowed to feel you near? What do I need to fix? I'm serious.

I'm not in relationships because I need and want both of us to fear God. I need/want a man who can truly guide me and my family into a closer walk with God. I want a priest for my household. Lord, if this is not the path that you have for me. I accept and willingly obey you and what you want for my life. Lord, teach me, lead me, love me, guide me into being content in every situation that I am in.

Lord, what do in my life needs mastery and attention? Where should I direct my efforts. Help me not to be so jealous of intimate relationships. I don't want to be jealous of close friends and husbands and wives or boyfriends and girlfriends. Lord, please, stop me from being so desperate at least for anything besides you.