God, seriously. What gives?

     I've been the odd man out most of my life... in elementary and before... it did not matter much... I had intrinsic happiness and support from my family. i was kinda the odd ball in the family too. I loved ballet and read the dictionary.  Middle, High, College, Adult life have been a hamster wheel of isolation. I have always been, a loner, eccentric, artsy, standoffish... but now... i am lonely. i don't have any friends. i don't hang with anyone. i don't like this. i don't have a boyfriend or man in my life. Noone appears interested. I've been told i look mean. What am i supposed to do. I am deathly lonely. God... your name is I AM. Can you be I AM your friend. I AM your comfort. Lord, can i have some actual people friends or nah?
     What am i doing so wrong? I don't want to just get along because of ministry or work obligations. my life is so empty. no job to hide at. No Mooka to keep me company. No men or dating. Lord, help. God are you isolating me or did I build a wall and not realize it. God, PLEASE. Talk to me. When them old people said God would be your friend. Were they lying? Where are my friends?
     I need to find people who do what I like to do.
     When I get home from wherever I've been. Who do i share that with. If work was hard today, who do i tell? Why do i have to be so understanding and try to listen? No one every really wanted me. Veronica's father did not even like me... he just did what he always does with women and I was stupid enough to believe him and get pregnant.