No Time Wasted...

Lord... after watching Beyonce, Taylor Swift and Quincy Jones... i felt convicted for not living up to my fullest potential... but i cling to the words of the Apostle that NO TIME has been wasted... and what the cankor worm and palmer worms ate up... WILL BE... and IS RESTORED.

...scripture included... cuz i love the Bible...

Joel 2 KJV

21 Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice: for the Lord will do great things.

22 Be not afraid, ye beasts of the field: for the pastures of the wilderness do spring, for the tree beareth her fruit, the fig tree and the vine do yield their strength.

23 Be glad then, ye children of Zion, and rejoice in the Lord your God: for he hath given you the former rain moderately, and he will cause to come down for you the rain, the former rain, and the latter rain in the first month.

24 And the floors shall be full of wheat, and the vats shall overflow with wine and oil.

25 And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

26 And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.

27 And ye shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God, and none else: and my people shall never be ashamed.

Real Talk... Self Esteem...

       I think that I've always liked myself, but never viewed myself as beautiful. I've looked at other women and seen beauty. I have gotten dressed up and felt nice, but the only accolades came from the dude i don't like, mad shady and disrespectful and thirsty. I know i can look good at times, but its just not all the time. I need help on this.
       When i first went to college, at Howard University. There were so many beautiful women that I, literally, gave up. I just gave up trying to look good. I figured, and still do, if i am brutally honest with myself, what's the use? How can I compete? I am not exotic. I don't have long hair. I dont have wonderful skin. I don't have dimples. I am not from somewhere else. What is it about me that attracts? Nothing.
       The funny thing is... when i did dress up and fix up... i got attention from men and that TERRIFIED me. I'm cool with being quirky, but beautiful? sexy? That scares me. How can i exist as a beautiful, sexy, intelligent woman when... i'm not feeling it.
       There were a few guys who fed my self esteem, genuinely, but with such a deficit in my self esteem... it wasnt lasting nourishment. What in the world? What in the world do I want? How do I really want and deserve to feel about myself... just me... without input? How do i choose to love myself and see the woman GOD created as a vision of loveliness... As of right now, I am seeking a deeper relationship with God and being brutally honest with myself about my truth and true feelings and reactions. i will not sugar-coat my reality or ignore and brush off growth.
       Yes, I want attention from men. Yes, I want men to look at me as see beauty, not just a heifer on the street, but why? Why am i seeking recognition from strangers? ...and at the same time... won't do or keep up my hair/make-up/beauty regimens.

How do I want to feel about myself?

• I will love my body and my face.
• I will exercise and have muscle tone and definition, because having a strong body makes me feel good internally and externally.
• I will do/fix up my hair... BEFORE leaving the house.
• I will look my best and get rid of unflattering clothes I don't want or don't need to wear.
• I will talk to God and MORE IMPORTANTLY listen to HIM about what to do with all of these feeling, emotions, idiosyncrasies within myself.
• 5780 - AYIN PEY - The year of the MOUTH 2020
• I will make daily confessions about who I am and how I feel about myself.
• I will BE ShaTina... not just think about her... as if in a faded memory from long ago.
• I am a fearfully, wonderfully, beautifully made woman BECAUSE I AM made me.