Caught up with Professor X last weekend... 🎤 so amazinnnnnnnn' honest all work... No vacationnnnnnn🎶
I had not seen him since around March of last year (2015) ...and the same thing happened again. He makes me want to swear off all other men... And I'm kinda gonna do it... Well... Not kinda... Being with him made everyone else seem so shallow and futile...
I spent time with him on three separate occasions and the second time I saw him... He really broke me down. Not anything negative or physical... He pointed out one if his pet peeves... Basically... Children around during adult recreation. This convicted me so bad. I cried for a whole day. This amazed me because I don't cry or pay too too much attention to what people say outside of my parents... And maybe a few sermons... As I think about it now... Tears are threatening to swim in the 🎤wells, the wells of my eyes. You helped me. You helllllllped.🎶
I pay attention when words resonate in my mind and spirit so powerfully.
"Don't ever put a man over your child. Promise me you won't do that. That's your best friend right there. For real, that's your best friend."
Those words tore me apart inside. I don't think he even knows how powerful his words are and will be to me.
I have been selling myself so so so so cheap, believing that I will never be loved by a man that I can fully respect. I gave up on myself ever being in a relationship. I didn't think that I was pretty or attractive.
The simple and genuine complements he gave/gives build me up so much that I really want to leave him alone and run before he changes his mind and says the hell with me. (That's that unhealthy mindset... Run from good stuff Cuz it won't last... Leave on yo own terms before they can hurt you.)
Real does recognize real and he genuinely is a breath of ultra fresh air in my cluttered self-hate/doubt/loathing apathetic psyche.
I want freedom. I can have it. I really believe that. The man I need and want does exist. Thanks Prof. X.
