So... What am I waiting for?

God, I really can't be deep right now. I am jealous of all of these seemingly happy women out there. I want a healthy relationship with a man who will be my husband and yes, sex, is a big part... okay... partof that. I want to be needed and loved andpart of something where I feel and touch someone else. I don't want what they have. I want what you have for me. Yes, Lord, I am selfish and vain and feeling sorry for myself. God, help me. I think I only feel this way so strongly because our relationship is not where I think it should be. I feel like I've been missing you. I feel like I keep missing you. I am in the right activities, but GOD where is our connection? Am I allowed to feel you near? What do I need to fix? I'm serious.

I'm not in relationships because I need and want both of us to fear God. I need/want a man who can truly guide me and my family into a closer walk with God. I want a priest for my household. Lord, if this is not the path that you have for me. I accept and willingly obey you and what you want for my life. Lord, teach me, lead me, love me, guide me into being content in every situation that I am in.

Lord, what do in my life needs mastery and attention? Where should I direct my efforts. Help me not to be so jealous of intimate relationships. I don't want to be jealous of close friends and husbands and wives or boyfriends and girlfriends. Lord, please, stop me from being so desperate at least for anything besides you.

God, seriously. What gives?

     I've been the odd man out most of my life... in elementary and before... it did not matter much... I had intrinsic happiness and support from my family. i was kinda the odd ball in the family too. I loved ballet and read the dictionary.  Middle, High, College, Adult life have been a hamster wheel of isolation. I have always been, a loner, eccentric, artsy, standoffish... but now... i am lonely. i don't have any friends. i don't hang with anyone. i don't like this. i don't have a boyfriend or man in my life. Noone appears interested. I've been told i look mean. What am i supposed to do. I am deathly lonely. God... your name is I AM. Can you be I AM your friend. I AM your comfort. Lord, can i have some actual people friends or nah?
     What am i doing so wrong? I don't want to just get along because of ministry or work obligations. my life is so empty. no job to hide at. No Mooka to keep me company. No men or dating. Lord, help. God are you isolating me or did I build a wall and not realize it. God, PLEASE. Talk to me. When them old people said God would be your friend. Were they lying? Where are my friends?
     I need to find people who do what I like to do.
     When I get home from wherever I've been. Who do i share that with. If work was hard today, who do i tell? Why do i have to be so understanding and try to listen? No one every really wanted me. Veronica's father did not even like me... he just did what he always does with women and I was stupid enough to believe him and get pregnant.

The view outside my window

I will always remember living here... But the lessons I've learned... Are Priceless...

Faith and Belief - Day One - It begins here...

• I am getting a New Car and Luxury Home by Faith and through action THIS YEAR 2018!!
• My car will be the car I want!! My home will have amenities that I love. 
• I will take the steps toward car and home ownership.
• I will allow GOD to be GOD and the adult in my life. I will be the obedient and mature child who listens and obeys swiftly.
• I will loose and lose 50 pounds this year and become much more flexible through diet and exercise.
• I will have a daily spirit walk with GOD. (My goal is an hour a day.)
• I will have a great and awesome job that I enjoy and pays me what i deserve while launching my second business. My second business will grow beyond exponentially and exceed my expectations.
• My tithe and offering will NEVER lack.
• I will be able to commit to supporting my favorite ministries again.
• OKI
• Joyce Meyers
• Bishop Leroy Thompson
• My OWN Ministry - i WILL dance again
• Pastor Aventer Gray's Dance Ministry

🌅🎤🎶

When I was waking I heard...

• "I will lift up my eye to the hills from wence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord. The Lord who made Heaven and Earth. He said he would not suffer thy foot, thy foot to be moved. The Lord that keepeth thee, he doth not slumber nor sleep. For the Lord is thy keeper. The Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand, upon thy right hand..."
• "Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life. Whom shall I fear?"

i am so angry! - June 1, 2018

i am so mad. My daughter celebrated her 5th grade award ceremony today. She did not want to pose for the pictures. she did not let me know it was today. i hate that my support system for her sucks!! i want a new one... how do i go about finding a new support system. I don't want to sit around and agree about stuff... i don't want to sit around and complain. i want steps and an action plan.... and i dont have a job or any amount of savings... where is my money...

life plan hack... answer these questions for real

Spend a few minutes remembering—and writing down—those big things you are aiming for. Get your clarity back. It might just make all the difference in the world! 

1. where am I going
2. ... and why does it matter? 
3. What are your long-term goals and dreams?
4. Have you thought about them lately?
5. Do you even know?
6. Why are they important to you?
7. Why do you do what you do?

The Sinner's Prayer...

How am I to do the work of an evangelist?

Sample Sinner’s Prayer 

•  Dear God, I know I’m a sinner. I know my sin deserves to be punished. I believe Christ died for me and rose from you grave. I trust Jesus alone as my Savior. Thank you for the forgiveness and everlasting life I now have. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Simplified for Younger Children

• Jesus, I know that you made me and want me to obey you with all my heart. I know I have disobeyed and wanted to be my own boss. I have thought and done things against your directions. I am sorry. I know that you gave up his life to save me from these sins and make me your child again. I accept your promises and ask you to please save me now and forever. Amen. 

Billy Graham Version

• Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and I ask for Your forgiveness. I believe You died for my sins and rose from the dead. I turn from my sins and invite You to come into my heart and life. I want to trust and follow You as my Lord and Savior. In Your Name. Amen.

Campus Crusade for Christ 

• Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.

Biblical Example (from Jesus)

• Luke 18:13 contains the prayer of the tax collector, as told by Jesus. This parable shows that heart felt repentance is much more important than the particular formula of words. But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’

thank you https://ministry-to-children.com/sinners-prayer/ for the inspiration fro this post =)