What do i do now...

I am back to day 1... being celibate is NO joke... why does my body ignore what my mind says? I try to keep it intact but... last night was a trip... I had suspicions about E... but I wasn't sure... not completely... married? ...kids? Two yes... an the automatically removed him from my list of possible suitors... despite the voice, the attitude, the mind... the color ...luvs me some extra deep dark chocolate... but... he's helping me get my finances back on track... I appreciate him... like a realy cool older brother... but he wants more... but how can I pursue when he has a complete family without me. Story of my life... I always have been late and caught at th tale end of the a marriage/relationship... I just want my own man... is that so muck to ash