No Time Wasted...

Lord... after watching Beyonce, Taylor Swift and Quincy Jones... i felt convicted for not living up to my fullest potential... but i cling to the words of the Apostle that NO TIME has been wasted... and what the cankor worm and palmer worms ate up... WILL BE... and IS RESTORED.

...scripture included... cuz i love the Bible...

Joel 2 KJV

21 Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice: for the Lord will do great things.

22 Be not afraid, ye beasts of the field: for the pastures of the wilderness do spring, for the tree beareth her fruit, the fig tree and the vine do yield their strength.

23 Be glad then, ye children of Zion, and rejoice in the Lord your God: for he hath given you the former rain moderately, and he will cause to come down for you the rain, the former rain, and the latter rain in the first month.

24 And the floors shall be full of wheat, and the vats shall overflow with wine and oil.

25 And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

26 And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.

27 And ye shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God, and none else: and my people shall never be ashamed.

Real Talk... Self Esteem...

       I think that I've always liked myself, but never viewed myself as beautiful. I've looked at other women and seen beauty. I have gotten dressed up and felt nice, but the only accolades came from the dude i don't like, mad shady and disrespectful and thirsty. I know i can look good at times, but its just not all the time. I need help on this.
       When i first went to college, at Howard University. There were so many beautiful women that I, literally, gave up. I just gave up trying to look good. I figured, and still do, if i am brutally honest with myself, what's the use? How can I compete? I am not exotic. I don't have long hair. I dont have wonderful skin. I don't have dimples. I am not from somewhere else. What is it about me that attracts? Nothing.
       The funny thing is... when i did dress up and fix up... i got attention from men and that TERRIFIED me. I'm cool with being quirky, but beautiful? sexy? That scares me. How can i exist as a beautiful, sexy, intelligent woman when... i'm not feeling it.
       There were a few guys who fed my self esteem, genuinely, but with such a deficit in my self esteem... it wasnt lasting nourishment. What in the world? What in the world do I want? How do I really want and deserve to feel about myself... just me... without input? How do i choose to love myself and see the woman GOD created as a vision of loveliness... As of right now, I am seeking a deeper relationship with God and being brutally honest with myself about my truth and true feelings and reactions. i will not sugar-coat my reality or ignore and brush off growth.
       Yes, I want attention from men. Yes, I want men to look at me as see beauty, not just a heifer on the street, but why? Why am i seeking recognition from strangers? ...and at the same time... won't do or keep up my hair/make-up/beauty regimens.

How do I want to feel about myself?

• I will love my body and my face.
• I will exercise and have muscle tone and definition, because having a strong body makes me feel good internally and externally.
• I will do/fix up my hair... BEFORE leaving the house.
• I will look my best and get rid of unflattering clothes I don't want or don't need to wear.
• I will talk to God and MORE IMPORTANTLY listen to HIM about what to do with all of these feeling, emotions, idiosyncrasies within myself.
• 5780 - AYIN PEY - The year of the MOUTH 2020
• I will make daily confessions about who I am and how I feel about myself.
• I will BE ShaTina... not just think about her... as if in a faded memory from long ago.
• I am a fearfully, wonderfully, beautifully made woman BECAUSE I AM made me.

Confirmation... Marriage.

After the prayerline, Vanessa confirmed that she has a vision of me the night before my wedding. I'm like... WoW.

I have been, low-key, prepping myself for a husband. I told God the truth, a while back. I do want a husband, but if he isn't pre-saved. I don't want no parts of it. My husband and I will attend and participate and go to church together with our whole family.

I had counselled with my cousin, Aunt Reda. She gave me scriptures to pray for my marriage. I went to hobby lobby and was draw to this book... 30 prayers for your husband. I wasn't going to get it at first. I bought it. 😑 Then, while listening to a podcast about a woman who found her soulmate... I hear about "calling in the one" a book that prepares you to find love... Or just live your best life by confronting hidden beliefs within yourself that stifle growth. So.. I borrowed it from the library. Then Covid-19 shut down my school.

The last two weeks, I've been cleaning and repurposing my home. I actually sleep in my own bed. 😴💤🛌💤

God is preparing me for greater greatness.
Where he leads me, I will follow.

Prayer Targets 03.20.2020

• A baby crying and yelling… calm and heal… sweet spirit… for that child
• Have a Steadfast…SPIRIT…
• Vanessa mind, strength…
• GOD IS MOVING!! Church, Business, Personal… contact with the government
• Call student loan folks/credit folks/reposition!! STRATEGIES!!

so... this just happened...ENLARGED!!

Out with the old...

So... met up with an old friend of mine, with whom i thought we could be in a relationship. I had planned to keep everything PG but it ended up with a higher rating. I did not think this encounter through. I cannot meet with a man who I KNOW does not share my beliefs, ideals and dreams in an intimate settings. This man and others like him are not bad people. They are not for me.

https://youtu.be/3v3T_KxvFyM

I have been afraid that I will end up alone for a long time. I cannot let fear ruin my reputation, honesty, integrity and walk with God. I have to be honest with God, myself and others.

Truth Nugget #1 - I want to be happily married.
Truth Nugget #2 - I want companionship.
Truth Nugget #3 - I want God to let me know if i'm going to be a spinster for the rest of my life... like... If I ain't be to be no wife... PLEASE... let me know. Let me know-ow. (Aaliyah voice over)
Truth Nugget #4 - I want a honeymoon... like super fabulous... Fiji/Australia/Aspen...

Declaration Nugget #1 - My husband is a Man of God, who hears God's voice and actively attends church, prays and worships God in spirit and in truth.
Declaration Nugget #2 - My marriage is a ministry.
Declaration Nugget #7 - My husband ministers to me and my family members through his life and speech.
Declaration Nugget #8 - My husband is handsome!!

Why Passive Income?? Money Declarations & Decisions

Money Declarations & Decisions
Risk comes from NOT knowing what you're doing.

I WILL take calculated and prayerfully safe risks =)

I will be fully retired by age 50!!

1. Why do I want to earn passive income?

• I want to be free. 
• I don't want to wait for the perfect time to buy a home.
• I want to be able to provide for my daughter's education, needs, scholastic duties
• I will make life decisions without the need to wait up or to save up or pay unnecessary dues.
• I want a home with pets that are fully insured and provided for.

2. How much passive income will it take for me to be financially free? (all bills covered)

• rent/mortagage $1500/month
• insurance/6 months $2000 approx. $333/month
• car payment $300/month
• gas money $75/month
• utilities $75/month
• phone $75/month
• clothes and shoes money $75/month
• savings $200/month
• KUMON $200/month
• family health insurance $300/month
• debt payments $400/month
• Grand Total Approximately $3600

3. What would you do with you time if you did not have to work?

• pursue all of my academic endeavors... my PhD in Mechanical Engineering
• travel with my family throughout the united states for 2 weeks at a time
• develop education endowment for my family
• take dance and guitar classes
• spend quality time with my daughter
• meditate, pray, achieve true nirvana
• setup/contribute to arts inspired aftercare programs 
• i would NEVER RETIRE!! (i'm already living my dream)

4. How much money would you love to save passively?

• I would love to save a minimum of $7000/week = $28000/month = $364000/year

Multiple Streams of Income... 2019 Edition

I am pursuing multiple streams of income!!

1. teespring.com t-shirt designs
2. rental properties - get a duplex and airBNB
3. set up drop shipping store
4. investment portfolio that receives dividends
5. document my weight loss journey and sell eBook

Family Reunion Success

This year we met in West Palm Beach, FL. It was nice, because Auntie Sheryl's 70 birthday was celebrated on Saturday! This was the highlight of the reunion for me. I am going to pray for my family regularly and ask the Holy Spirit what I need to do strengthen and guide them. We need to restore the heart, mind and love in our family.

July 11th Update

Today is Thursday... I got a text from Voldemort. He wants to know if he can take Apple to a family reunion this weekend. The answer is no. There isn't enough time to prepare my daughter's hair and clothes. All I am asking for is dates, times and coutesy. My requirements are resonable. I will not back down from simple courtesy and respect.  I need more warning and I believe in being prepared. We are going to court to establish visitation and I am truly believing GOD for guidance. This does not rule out my female intuition. I am opening my eyes, ears and heart to GOD. Lord, order my decisions and guide my heart.

Reflections - July 1, 2019

       so... it has been a while... but I'm ready to talk. I am so terrified and scared to lose money and waste more of my time that I have been paralyzed to act. I don't have what I want and I am clueless on how to get it... or am I? A few days ago I went to a webinar at 5AM in my home... I really showed up and did the "get out of bed" work. I am now a card carrying member of the #TeamFEA found at: www.femaleentrepreneurassociation.com.

       I have been talking big game in my head and I am NOT about to stop now. How I see myself, and my daughter MUST change. There are goals and strategies I must pass on to the best of my ability. I realize NOW... that the lack of structure has left me and my daughter in need of...STRUCTURE. i am figuring a way for us to meet our personal and collective goals.

       Lord, have mercy as you lead guide and direct me into ALL truth. Show me the way i should take.