I woke up feeling hopeless, useless and impotent

 Y'all... I am still on the journey to the Billionaire Business Babe lifestyle... I am choosing more than ever to REALLY SEEK GOD'S VOICE. I... Just know in my heart, my mind, my spirit that God can talk to me. God does talk to me. God wants to talk to me. I have been feeling like a lazy no good hoarder of talents.

I woke up feeling like I have wasted my life... And talents 

I feel like I'm not successful because...

1. I'm not married 
2. I don't have a house
3. I'm not rich yet
4. I haven't really solidified a product for my business to sell
5. Consistent with my podcast
6. Quit teaching and started to work from home
7. I don't work from home
8. I don't have a large savings account
9. I don't have my PhD
10. I'm not a college professor 
11. I'm don't hear God like I want
12. I don't have a good Morning routine 

On the contrary, I feel great about...

1. having a great car (God did it)
2. Veronica's relationship and fire for God (God did it)
3. Traveling a lot this summer with 🍏 and to visit family (God financed it)
4. Veronica's senior pictures are gorgeous (God financed it)
5. I am walking 10,000 steps a day... Almost every day (God empowers me)
6. Actively pursuing my health journey 
7. My YouTube channel has over 191 videos (God empowers)

My priorities for remainder of 2024

1. Create morning routine that honors God and reinforces my health
2. Complete Keys to Everything Book and implement keys
3. Complete MS/PhD Applications and sent them off!!
4. Complete KEU with fidelity
5. Complete year of the bride fast with fidelity
6. Complete $0 - $100k programs steps with fidelity
7. Microlocs Installation for Veronica and Myself
8. Make $1000 consistently each month

Dream... Dream... Dream!!

So many dreams last night and the nights before... I ask that God brings them back to my remembrance as well as their interpretation.

THURSDAY NIGHT TO FRIDAY MORNING 

   I do remember a dream about me and Veronica in a "new house" or different big house... in raggedy neighborhood but big 3 bedroom house. As we were getting ready for bed, I noticed Veronica (an elementary school age-version of her) got into my bed. I saw some familiar looking guy in a bedroom of the house. He was like... "I came here to help ya'll out and make sure ya'll safe." This did not make sense to me but, I didn't ask him to leave. This was strange because in my mind I was thinking... who is this? how did he get in? why is he here? who is gonna be here when he is here? what if Veronica comes home from school and he is there? Even with these thoughts, I did not ask him to leave. I did notice he was on the phone with someone before I went to bed. I thought it was his girlfriend.

    Veronica slept in the bed with me. In the morning, the police were ALL OVER my house. That guy had been chopped up and murdered in my home!!!!!!!!!! They were putting the cubic pieces of him into a clear plastic evidence bag. No police questioned me. No one even tried to talk to me about what happened to that dude.

My interpretation: God eliminated a familiar spirit in my life... No spirit husband or evil covenant for me and my house. Thank you Lord.

Two days later... I was dream about traveling with friends and family. A lot of good natured fun when a gentleman that I lust after showed up in my dream. He tried to take me somewhere to be intimate and I CAUGHT MYSELF IN THE DREAM!!!!!!! I said I will NOT sin or be impure or dishonor God. I will not restore ANY EVIL COVENANT!! This "guy" was trying to get me to have sex and just "let go" and "enjoy" NO SIR!!!!!!!!

I renounce this dream in the NAME of Jesus. I repent from all unclean desires and sin in Jesus Name. I break EVERY evil covenant. I MAKE A PUBLIC DECLARATION!!!!!! I am in covenant with Jesus Christ ALONE!

Check Out this Video: https://www.youtube.com/live/F74ZljJCTO8?si=et5Nf-epUmtvYRCv

2021 - I met someone... August 31st

 These are words that I though I would NEVER say... I've met someone and he is awesome. He is handsome, fun, super intelligent, loves and honors God. Is a wonderful father to his children. His perspective and outlook on life is wonderful. Yes... I keep an optimistic slant on ALL of my self talk. Yes, I speak positive words and ideals and goals out loud... however... I never thought I would meet someone I would like to marry. It's cool and now... 

I'm cooling off. 

We would speak often. I liked it, but... i think our conversation has waxed cold. It's all good though. He is an awesome person. I appreciate him and the time he has shared with me. Historically, I move EXTREMELY FAST when I am interested in someone... this guy. He is different. He sees the long game and intends to play it.

Lately, I've been experiencing some radio silence... I am choosing to be silent in return. I will not continue to reach out if you are just busy. I GET IT... things happen... but this feels different. Who knows... if i did or said something wrong... the truth will come out in the end. Until then... i need to keep my head.

My love life is an area of my life that has been fraught with indecision, poor decisions and epic pain. I am choosing to allow GOD and HIS word to lead guide me and direct me. I do want to get married but not at the expense of my sanity, standards and faith. I surrender my wants and needs and desires to God.

...and to be honest... ya girl can over react and go from 0 to 1000 really quick... just taking my time and navigating what I want and need with what God wants and needs and what my man (feels weird ti say that), my partner, my soulmate wants and needs.

My Juneteenth Revelation - Tulsa & Rosewood Massacres

Remember... It is NOT "Black people just don't like each other" or "Black folks ain't got no ambition" or "We don't work together like other cultures" 

We have been SYSTEMATICALLY and INSTITUTIONALLY terrorized and attacked for at LEAST 2 centuries in the U.S. of A.

DO NOT believe the propaganda and lies... Find your tribe... Unite with them... Build that school... that business... that CITY you have always dreamed of living in!!

WE ARE... WE CAN... WE WILL.. and WE HAVE OVERCOME... We did it before... WE'LL DO IT AGAIN!  

2021 - it's here...

 So... for the faithful few... me, myself and I... i have a bit of an announcement. I FINALLY own pets. Two beautiful black baby girls cats... Nubia and Sakura.

Also... 2021... New Year... No Excuses... I actually danced at the New Year's Eve Service 2020. Lord, It felt so goood. Until the next day... let's just say that i am a STILL a little sore. I, also, found out that I weigh 224 lbs. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!!!

2021 came in hot and smoking and THAT is how me, my mindset, my healthset, my spiritual insight and future will be leaving this year.

1. Take the GRE in January
2. Graduate School - Master's in Physics or MS/PHD in Mechanical Engineering
3. Weigh 135 pounds... This means lose approximately 90 pounds
4. Regain and Improve Lost Flexibility
5. On-Line Side Hustles Bring in $$$$ (Complete the Classes)
1. Facebook Side Hustle
2. Etsy Side Hustle
6. $5000/month income
7. 3 bedroom - 2 story home
8. TBA

Real Talk... Self Esteem...

       I think that I've always liked myself, but never viewed myself as beautiful. I've looked at other women and seen beauty. I have gotten dressed up and felt nice, but the only accolades came from the dude i don't like, mad shady and disrespectful and thirsty. I know i can look good at times, but its just not all the time. I need help on this.
       When i first went to college, at Howard University. There were so many beautiful women that I, literally, gave up. I just gave up trying to look good. I figured, and still do, if i am brutally honest with myself, what's the use? How can I compete? I am not exotic. I don't have long hair. I dont have wonderful skin. I don't have dimples. I am not from somewhere else. What is it about me that attracts? Nothing.
       The funny thing is... when i did dress up and fix up... i got attention from men and that TERRIFIED me. I'm cool with being quirky, but beautiful? sexy? That scares me. How can i exist as a beautiful, sexy, intelligent woman when... i'm not feeling it.
       There were a few guys who fed my self esteem, genuinely, but with such a deficit in my self esteem... it wasnt lasting nourishment. What in the world? What in the world do I want? How do I really want and deserve to feel about myself... just me... without input? How do i choose to love myself and see the woman GOD created as a vision of loveliness... As of right now, I am seeking a deeper relationship with God and being brutally honest with myself about my truth and true feelings and reactions. i will not sugar-coat my reality or ignore and brush off growth.
       Yes, I want attention from men. Yes, I want men to look at me as see beauty, not just a heifer on the street, but why? Why am i seeking recognition from strangers? ...and at the same time... won't do or keep up my hair/make-up/beauty regimens.

How do I want to feel about myself?

• I will love my body and my face.
• I will exercise and have muscle tone and definition, because having a strong body makes me feel good internally and externally.
• I will do/fix up my hair... BEFORE leaving the house.
• I will look my best and get rid of unflattering clothes I don't want or don't need to wear.
• I will talk to God and MORE IMPORTANTLY listen to HIM about what to do with all of these feeling, emotions, idiosyncrasies within myself.
• 5780 - AYIN PEY - The year of the MOUTH 2020
• I will make daily confessions about who I am and how I feel about myself.
• I will BE ShaTina... not just think about her... as if in a faded memory from long ago.
• I am a fearfully, wonderfully, beautifully made woman BECAUSE I AM made me.

Prayer Targets 03.20.2020

• A baby crying and yelling… calm and heal… sweet spirit… for that child
• Have a Steadfast…SPIRIT…
• Vanessa mind, strength…
• GOD IS MOVING!! Church, Business, Personal… contact with the government
• Call student loan folks/credit folks/reposition!! STRATEGIES!!

hello... i'm still here... 2019 update

Good Morning...

well, well, well,  its been a mighty long time since we last spoke. A few things have changed in my life...

1. purchased EBA (elite blog academy)... havent started any assignments yet
• started the bootcamp... 
• need to complete the assignments
2. been feeling industrious...
• cleaned out my room partially... i can see the bed and part of the floor
• laundry is being whittled down to managable chunks
• using my planners weekly... working on using it daily
3. House Goals... Future Landlord
• minimalism inspired and infused decor!
• AirBNB to fund my dream home - rental Property used to pay mortgage and buy more rental opportunity properties
4. my life goals have reemerged as they always do around my birthday
• billlionaire business woman - thats who i am
• i have a EIN - working the kinks out
• my corporation's name is Umble Amazon Industries, Inc.
1. will be opening a bank account in my company name by April 15th
2. will start building business credit... ASAP
• purchased the website UmbleAmazon.com... i am excited... now its time to walk it out
5. PETS!! - puppies and persian kitties
6. been repairing my credit and looking at my finances... time to repair and stop hiding
7. been thinking about getting my PHD again
• the joint MS/PHD program at FAU
• re-evaluate my major/minor: Mechanical Engineering: Robotics & Animation
8. Entrepreneur: Wear the Word of God via InspirationAbbey
• inspiring.fun/funny messages on apparel and merchandise
• BBW: Billionaire Business Woman
9. Be A Billionaire Business Woman
10. My Business Profits will put me and Veronica through school
11. Set Up Endowments for
• my family scholarship plan/funds
• my family - 1st time homeowner plan/funds
• young woman mentor-ship village for - single women/mothers who wish to return to school and need a support system
12. Train up my daughter in the fear and admonition of the Lord
13. Be summertime fine year round!!
• I AM changing my diet, better quality of food, less empty calories
14. HEAR THE VOICE OF GOD CLEARLY