2023... stepping into the Bigger, Better, Braver Me... with God

        So... I have been in a few courses and I am currently in Pillar Mastery with Patrice... and yo... so much is happening in my life and in my perspective and I am grateful to God for every mountain, molehill and misunderstanding... but i know that I will success in FAITH. I am succeeding because... I believe in God and He has ordained for me to be MORE that what I have been the last 10+ 10+ years. 

      A lot has happened since I've last posted in my digital diary... I have started a podcast. I am eating healthier that I ever have in my whole life... raw and uncooked foods for lunch EVERY time I eat lunch. I am getting ready to become a Clinical Ed. Mentor for teachers and... I will be moving SOON.

     I am open to marriage... as long as Father God, Thee Holy Spirit and Jesus... my ONLY big brother is guiding me.

My Juneteenth Revelation - Tulsa & Rosewood Massacres

Remember... It is NOT "Black people just don't like each other" or "Black folks ain't got no ambition" or "We don't work together like other cultures" 

We have been SYSTEMATICALLY and INSTITUTIONALLY terrorized and attacked for at LEAST 2 centuries in the U.S. of A.

DO NOT believe the propaganda and lies... Find your tribe... Unite with them... Build that school... that business... that CITY you have always dreamed of living in!!

WE ARE... WE CAN... WE WILL.. and WE HAVE OVERCOME... We did it before... WE'LL DO IT AGAIN!  

2021 - it's here...

 So... for the faithful few... me, myself and I... i have a bit of an announcement. I FINALLY own pets. Two beautiful black baby girls cats... Nubia and Sakura.

Also... 2021... New Year... No Excuses... I actually danced at the New Year's Eve Service 2020. Lord, It felt so goood. Until the next day... let's just say that i am a STILL a little sore. I, also, found out that I weigh 224 lbs. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!!!

2021 came in hot and smoking and THAT is how me, my mindset, my healthset, my spiritual insight and future will be leaving this year.

1. Take the GRE in January
2. Graduate School - Master's in Physics or MS/PHD in Mechanical Engineering
3. Weigh 135 pounds... This means lose approximately 90 pounds
4. Regain and Improve Lost Flexibility
5. On-Line Side Hustles Bring in $$$$ (Complete the Classes)
1. Facebook Side Hustle
2. Etsy Side Hustle
6. $5000/month income
7. 3 bedroom - 2 story home
8. TBA

Real Talk... Self Esteem...

       I think that I've always liked myself, but never viewed myself as beautiful. I've looked at other women and seen beauty. I have gotten dressed up and felt nice, but the only accolades came from the dude i don't like, mad shady and disrespectful and thirsty. I know i can look good at times, but its just not all the time. I need help on this.
       When i first went to college, at Howard University. There were so many beautiful women that I, literally, gave up. I just gave up trying to look good. I figured, and still do, if i am brutally honest with myself, what's the use? How can I compete? I am not exotic. I don't have long hair. I dont have wonderful skin. I don't have dimples. I am not from somewhere else. What is it about me that attracts? Nothing.
       The funny thing is... when i did dress up and fix up... i got attention from men and that TERRIFIED me. I'm cool with being quirky, but beautiful? sexy? That scares me. How can i exist as a beautiful, sexy, intelligent woman when... i'm not feeling it.
       There were a few guys who fed my self esteem, genuinely, but with such a deficit in my self esteem... it wasnt lasting nourishment. What in the world? What in the world do I want? How do I really want and deserve to feel about myself... just me... without input? How do i choose to love myself and see the woman GOD created as a vision of loveliness... As of right now, I am seeking a deeper relationship with God and being brutally honest with myself about my truth and true feelings and reactions. i will not sugar-coat my reality or ignore and brush off growth.
       Yes, I want attention from men. Yes, I want men to look at me as see beauty, not just a heifer on the street, but why? Why am i seeking recognition from strangers? ...and at the same time... won't do or keep up my hair/make-up/beauty regimens.

How do I want to feel about myself?

• I will love my body and my face.
• I will exercise and have muscle tone and definition, because having a strong body makes me feel good internally and externally.
• I will do/fix up my hair... BEFORE leaving the house.
• I will look my best and get rid of unflattering clothes I don't want or don't need to wear.
• I will talk to God and MORE IMPORTANTLY listen to HIM about what to do with all of these feeling, emotions, idiosyncrasies within myself.
• 5780 - AYIN PEY - The year of the MOUTH 2020
• I will make daily confessions about who I am and how I feel about myself.
• I will BE ShaTina... not just think about her... as if in a faded memory from long ago.
• I am a fearfully, wonderfully, beautifully made woman BECAUSE I AM made me.

Reflections - July 1, 2019

       so... it has been a while... but I'm ready to talk. I am so terrified and scared to lose money and waste more of my time that I have been paralyzed to act. I don't have what I want and I am clueless on how to get it... or am I? A few days ago I went to a webinar at 5AM in my home... I really showed up and did the "get out of bed" work. I am now a card carrying member of the #TeamFEA found at: www.femaleentrepreneurassociation.com.

       I have been talking big game in my head and I am NOT about to stop now. How I see myself, and my daughter MUST change. There are goals and strategies I must pass on to the best of my ability. I realize NOW... that the lack of structure has left me and my daughter in need of...STRUCTURE. i am figuring a way for us to meet our personal and collective goals.

       Lord, have mercy as you lead guide and direct me into ALL truth. Show me the way i should take.

The view outside my window

I will always remember living here... But the lessons I've learned... Are Priceless...

Faith and Belief - Day One - It begins here...

• I am getting a New Car and Luxury Home by Faith and through action THIS YEAR 2018!!
• My car will be the car I want!! My home will have amenities that I love. 
• I will take the steps toward car and home ownership.
• I will allow GOD to be GOD and the adult in my life. I will be the obedient and mature child who listens and obeys swiftly.
• I will loose and lose 50 pounds this year and become much more flexible through diet and exercise.
• I will have a daily spirit walk with GOD. (My goal is an hour a day.)
• I will have a great and awesome job that I enjoy and pays me what i deserve while launching my second business. My second business will grow beyond exponentially and exceed my expectations.
• My tithe and offering will NEVER lack.
• I will be able to commit to supporting my favorite ministries again.
• OKI
• Joyce Meyers
• Bishop Leroy Thompson
• My OWN Ministry - i WILL dance again
• Pastor Aventer Gray's Dance Ministry

i am so angry! - June 1, 2018

i am so mad. My daughter celebrated her 5th grade award ceremony today. She did not want to pose for the pictures. she did not let me know it was today. i hate that my support system for her sucks!! i want a new one... how do i go about finding a new support system. I don't want to sit around and agree about stuff... i don't want to sit around and complain. i want steps and an action plan.... and i dont have a job or any amount of savings... where is my money...

Miscellaneous Goals

This IS what i really wanna do

1. Discernment... Spiritual, Emotional, Financial
2. Play the Acoustic Spanish Guitar
• https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+restring+a+guitar&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS783US783&oq=how+to+restring+&aqs=chrome.0.0j69i57j0l4.6363j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#kpvalbx=1
3. Be in a Music Video
4. Compete and win a ballroom dance competition... latin style
5. Long hair that is MINE!!
6. PhD Mechanical Engineering and inspire minorities... women and flavors alike
• robotics lab... work in one
• architecture degree... because its interesting and awesome
7. walk and talk with God in the cool of the day
1. be for real on one accord with GOD... like always
8. Fluent in Spanish and italian
9. Travel the World and the USA
• minimum 2 trips a year
10. Be independent of $$$ by maintaining more than enough
11. Be a MULTIMILLIONARE
• work from home until i can get my own office
12. Scholarship Fund for women by age group
• 20's... 25% of tuition
• 30's... 50% of tuition
• 40's... 75% of tuition
• 50's and beyond... get a full ride
13. Mentors for college students with MANDATORY bi-weekly check-in
• one meeting MUST be face to face!!
14. Churches for College Students -- reinforce or establish these programs
15. Set up trust fund for my family
• 1st time homeowners
• family improvement funds... biger houdsse for bigger family
• college for my descendents

God... My ever present help...

I was... Freaking Out inwardly... Because I could not find my headphones... I kept retracing my steps because I use them EVERYDAY. I decided to just calm down and use the ones u have... Yes... I have a backup pair... But I have just an eighteenth of an ounce of love for them... Anywho... I sat down to write my daily confessions and affirmations... And I found them... THANK YOU GOD. I didn't have to waste gas or spend money on something I already have. Thank you Lord. I really appreciate finding them.🎧

2016 Milestone

I can't get a job... Only GOD can bless me with a job.

...i am gainfully employed!!!!

Auntie Atneataies... Mammagram... A living legend... She DID this!!

ü Herald and preach the Word!

ü Keep your sense of urgency [stand by, be at hand and ready],

ü whether the opportunity seems to be favorable or unfavorable. [Whether it is convenient or inconvenient, whether it is welcome or unwelcome, you as preacher of the Word are to show people in what way their lives are wrong.]

ü And convince them, rebuking and correcting, warning and urging and encouraging them, being unflagging and inexhaustible in patience and teaching.

Hi Tee Tee!!

a lil update... memorial of remembrance of the trials created and apprehended...

• complete OKISOM schoolwork
• pay OKISOM bills
• VW $5500 bill
• student loan bills
• new AM dog walker job
• daily walk with GOD!!! spirit walk!!
• open communication from God to me and vice versa
• daily exercise routine - back down to 135lbs
• daily confessions...create and recite
• daily GUARD your HEART exercises
• Heat Transfer EXAM!!!