Who do I REALLY want to be?

The OLD Tina is dead... she is loved and missed but... evolving into the realest she will ever be.

So... I am a member of masterminds because... I am becoming the real... Authentic Me

1. Female Entrepreneur Association ≈ $50/month
2. The Destiny Collective ≈ $50/month
3. The 48 Days Eagles ≈ $50/month

aaand... I am an avid reader and listener and learner

PODCASTS I'm Loving

• 48 days to the work and life you love
• the purpose show
• Redefining Wealth
• Sisterhood of Sweat

Books I've Read... and Listened to...This Year... So Far

• Go-Giver Marriage by John David and Ana Gabriel Mann
• The Go-Giver: A Little Story about a Powerful Business Idea by John David Mann and Bob Burg
• Why most books on how to get a PhD are full of mess by John Hockey

Here is a mini map to becoming the BEST me ever... (thanks Allie)

• Month One

• align your morning with who you are becoming...
• what does she need? 
• what does she accomplish in the morning? 
• what does she value?
• how often does she read?
• what does she read?

• Month Two

• align your body with who you are becoming
• how hydrated is she?
• what does she eat? why?
• what are her hormone and vitamin levels? 
• how often does she get her blood work REALLY checked??
• how often does she exercise?
• does she use weights?
• why is her physique and why?

• Month Three

• align your environment with who you are becoming
• do her clothes reflect HER NOW... or then...
• old and dusty stuff?
• what's her style?
• no clutter or excess mess

2021 - it's here...

 So... for the faithful few... me, myself and I... i have a bit of an announcement. I FINALLY own pets. Two beautiful black baby girls cats... Nubia and Sakura.

Also... 2021... New Year... No Excuses... I actually danced at the New Year's Eve Service 2020. Lord, It felt so goood. Until the next day... let's just say that i am a STILL a little sore. I, also, found out that I weigh 224 lbs. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!!!

2021 came in hot and smoking and THAT is how me, my mindset, my healthset, my spiritual insight and future will be leaving this year.

1. Take the GRE in January
2. Graduate School - Master's in Physics or MS/PHD in Mechanical Engineering
3. Weigh 135 pounds... This means lose approximately 90 pounds
4. Regain and Improve Lost Flexibility
5. On-Line Side Hustles Bring in $$$$ (Complete the Classes)
1. Facebook Side Hustle
2. Etsy Side Hustle
6. $5000/month income
7. 3 bedroom - 2 story home
8. TBA

i will live my life as a worshipper in every ounce of my ability...

i will live my life as a worshipper in every ounce of my ability...
i will dance
i will sing
i will paint
i will design
i will create
i will teach
i will inspire
i will stretch
i will not keep hiding
i will listen
i will learn
i will succeed
i will not fail
i will not flounder
i will not drown
i will rise
i will try
i will not drag my feet
i will not hide behind my age... even though i got a white eyelash

Japan vs US Style Apartment

I am definitely overstimulated by my home and everything inside... join me as I transition from a USA clutterific style home to a japanese inspired... Marie Kondo minimalist sanctuary.

No Time Wasted...

Lord... after watching Beyonce, Taylor Swift and Quincy Jones... i felt convicted for not living up to my fullest potential... but i cling to the words of the Apostle that NO TIME has been wasted... and what the cankor worm and palmer worms ate up... WILL BE... and IS RESTORED.

...scripture included... cuz i love the Bible...

Joel 2 KJV

21 Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice: for the Lord will do great things.

22 Be not afraid, ye beasts of the field: for the pastures of the wilderness do spring, for the tree beareth her fruit, the fig tree and the vine do yield their strength.

23 Be glad then, ye children of Zion, and rejoice in the Lord your God: for he hath given you the former rain moderately, and he will cause to come down for you the rain, the former rain, and the latter rain in the first month.

24 And the floors shall be full of wheat, and the vats shall overflow with wine and oil.

25 And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

26 And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.

27 And ye shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God, and none else: and my people shall never be ashamed.

Real Talk... Self Esteem...

       I think that I've always liked myself, but never viewed myself as beautiful. I've looked at other women and seen beauty. I have gotten dressed up and felt nice, but the only accolades came from the dude i don't like, mad shady and disrespectful and thirsty. I know i can look good at times, but its just not all the time. I need help on this.
       When i first went to college, at Howard University. There were so many beautiful women that I, literally, gave up. I just gave up trying to look good. I figured, and still do, if i am brutally honest with myself, what's the use? How can I compete? I am not exotic. I don't have long hair. I dont have wonderful skin. I don't have dimples. I am not from somewhere else. What is it about me that attracts? Nothing.
       The funny thing is... when i did dress up and fix up... i got attention from men and that TERRIFIED me. I'm cool with being quirky, but beautiful? sexy? That scares me. How can i exist as a beautiful, sexy, intelligent woman when... i'm not feeling it.
       There were a few guys who fed my self esteem, genuinely, but with such a deficit in my self esteem... it wasnt lasting nourishment. What in the world? What in the world do I want? How do I really want and deserve to feel about myself... just me... without input? How do i choose to love myself and see the woman GOD created as a vision of loveliness... As of right now, I am seeking a deeper relationship with God and being brutally honest with myself about my truth and true feelings and reactions. i will not sugar-coat my reality or ignore and brush off growth.
       Yes, I want attention from men. Yes, I want men to look at me as see beauty, not just a heifer on the street, but why? Why am i seeking recognition from strangers? ...and at the same time... won't do or keep up my hair/make-up/beauty regimens.

How do I want to feel about myself?

• I will love my body and my face.
• I will exercise and have muscle tone and definition, because having a strong body makes me feel good internally and externally.
• I will do/fix up my hair... BEFORE leaving the house.
• I will look my best and get rid of unflattering clothes I don't want or don't need to wear.
• I will talk to God and MORE IMPORTANTLY listen to HIM about what to do with all of these feeling, emotions, idiosyncrasies within myself.
• 5780 - AYIN PEY - The year of the MOUTH 2020
• I will make daily confessions about who I am and how I feel about myself.
• I will BE ShaTina... not just think about her... as if in a faded memory from long ago.
• I am a fearfully, wonderfully, beautifully made woman BECAUSE I AM made me.

Out with the old...

So... met up with an old friend of mine, with whom i thought we could be in a relationship. I had planned to keep everything PG but it ended up with a higher rating. I did not think this encounter through. I cannot meet with a man who I KNOW does not share my beliefs, ideals and dreams in an intimate settings. This man and others like him are not bad people. They are not for me.

https://youtu.be/3v3T_KxvFyM

I have been afraid that I will end up alone for a long time. I cannot let fear ruin my reputation, honesty, integrity and walk with God. I have to be honest with God, myself and others.

Truth Nugget #1 - I want to be happily married.
Truth Nugget #2 - I want companionship.
Truth Nugget #3 - I want God to let me know if i'm going to be a spinster for the rest of my life... like... If I ain't be to be no wife... PLEASE... let me know. Let me know-ow. (Aaliyah voice over)
Truth Nugget #4 - I want a honeymoon... like super fabulous... Fiji/Australia/Aspen...

Declaration Nugget #1 - My husband is a Man of God, who hears God's voice and actively attends church, prays and worships God in spirit and in truth.
Declaration Nugget #2 - My marriage is a ministry.
Declaration Nugget #7 - My husband ministers to me and my family members through his life and speech.
Declaration Nugget #8 - My husband is handsome!!

Quality Time...

God, can I have quiet time with you. Like the way Bai Qian and Ye Hua hang out. Can we have that kind of time together.

Be the Person You Are...

Good Morning...

God, I thank you for your grace, mercy and strength. It is through your mercy and faithfulness that I can do ANYthing at all. You have given me a family and I WILL appreciate them and cherish them. Change me Lord to be like you. Replace my stony selfish heart with you living moving heart. Increase my capacity to love, honor, respect and obey your word and your precepts.

Be the Person You Are... Be the Person YOU Dream of becoming... Become
Song "You Move Mountain... You cause walls to fall"