🎶🎶🎶Baby I'm Back!!

Today... missed church, but listened to my daughter and then YOUversion MSG read the Bible. Yo... i am NOT giving up!!! 

Yo... i am 46 years old and I don't have what I though I would at this age... so... hmmmm... I'm going to keep fasting, praying and being consistent. This consistency journey has been EYE opening. I can see where i have NOT made connects in life because I stopped.

• I could be fluent in español... if I practices 3 times a week, but I stopped.

• I could have received my PhD in Mechanical Engineering if I had not stopped.

• I could have the ballet/fitness model/400m hurdler physique I want... if I had started!!

• I believe my relationship with GOD would be SO MUCH MORE... if I stop stopping.

• I would have digital products, e-courses and e-books if I stop stopping.

• My podcast would be consistent if I stop stopping.

• I would have a REAL blog if I stopped stopping.

• I would have completed many purchased e-courses if I had STOPPED STOPPING.

So... I am going to write the vision and make it plain... print it out and place it everywhere. To see and do... I will be detailed and GO TO GOD FIRST... I do not like feeling like I've wasted my life and skills and talents... Lord, help me.

I did the VISION STORY COURSE... while i was a member of the 48 days community and I WILL be revisiting it. This is my Write the Vision and Make it Plain Pathway... Due to an impending Black Out... I will be printing it out so I can do it with fidelity.

Lord God, please do not let me waste my life, years and talents running after the cares of life and NEVER abiding in your presence or fulfilling YOUR mandates for my life. Please, help me Lord. I do not want to waste my life, abilities, talents, gifts or anything else. I want what you want for me Lord.

I woke up feeling hopeless, useless and impotent

 Y'all... I am still on the journey to the Billionaire Business Babe lifestyle... I am choosing more than ever to REALLY SEEK GOD'S VOICE. I... Just know in my heart, my mind, my spirit that God can talk to me. God does talk to me. God wants to talk to me. I have been feeling like a lazy no good hoarder of talents.

I woke up feeling like I have wasted my life... And talents 

I feel like I'm not successful because...

1. I'm not married 
2. I don't have a house
3. I'm not rich yet
4. I haven't really solidified a product for my business to sell
5. Consistent with my podcast
6. Quit teaching and started to work from home
7. I don't work from home
8. I don't have a large savings account
9. I don't have my PhD
10. I'm not a college professor 
11. I'm don't hear God like I want
12. I don't have a good Morning routine 

On the contrary, I feel great about...

1. having a great car (God did it)
2. Veronica's relationship and fire for God (God did it)
3. Traveling a lot this summer with 🍏 and to visit family (God financed it)
4. Veronica's senior pictures are gorgeous (God financed it)
5. I am walking 10,000 steps a day... Almost every day (God empowers me)
6. Actively pursuing my health journey 
7. My YouTube channel has over 191 videos (God empowers)

My priorities for remainder of 2024

1. Create morning routine that honors God and reinforces my health
2. Complete Keys to Everything Book and implement keys
3. Complete MS/PhD Applications and sent them off!!
4. Complete KEU with fidelity
5. Complete year of the bride fast with fidelity
6. Complete $0 - $100k programs steps with fidelity
7. Microlocs Installation for Veronica and Myself
8. Make $1000 consistently each month

Lord... hear my 🙏

 Dear God,

I really deeply and truly desire to be fully yielded to your will. Please... show me what I must change to be obedient and useful to you for the rest of my life.

Sincerely Yours,

Tee

Feeling a way...

why do my feelings get hurt so fast... and it seems like its for now real reason... what am i supposed to do? I guess... pray.

Lord, i am tired of being overly sensitive and hiding myself from others to prevent connection and hurt and... i cannot live like this... i am too old/young/whatever for a unfullfilled nd stagnant life... i want and need and desire the abundant life yu speak about i your word... AND I WILL HAVE IT!!

So... What am I waiting for?

God, I really can't be deep right now. I am jealous of all of these seemingly happy women out there. I want a healthy relationship with a man who will be my husband and yes, sex, is a big part... okay... partof that. I want to be needed and loved andpart of something where I feel and touch someone else. I don't want what they have. I want what you have for me. Yes, Lord, I am selfish and vain and feeling sorry for myself. God, help me. I think I only feel this way so strongly because our relationship is not where I think it should be. I feel like I've been missing you. I feel like I keep missing you. I am in the right activities, but GOD where is our connection? Am I allowed to feel you near? What do I need to fix? I'm serious.

I'm not in relationships because I need and want both of us to fear God. I need/want a man who can truly guide me and my family into a closer walk with God. I want a priest for my household. Lord, if this is not the path that you have for me. I accept and willingly obey you and what you want for my life. Lord, teach me, lead me, love me, guide me into being content in every situation that I am in.

Lord, what do in my life needs mastery and attention? Where should I direct my efforts. Help me not to be so jealous of intimate relationships. I don't want to be jealous of close friends and husbands and wives or boyfriends and girlfriends. Lord, please, stop me from being so desperate at least for anything besides you.

God, seriously. What gives?

     I've been the odd man out most of my life... in elementary and before... it did not matter much... I had intrinsic happiness and support from my family. i was kinda the odd ball in the family too. I loved ballet and read the dictionary.  Middle, High, College, Adult life have been a hamster wheel of isolation. I have always been, a loner, eccentric, artsy, standoffish... but now... i am lonely. i don't have any friends. i don't hang with anyone. i don't like this. i don't have a boyfriend or man in my life. Noone appears interested. I've been told i look mean. What am i supposed to do. I am deathly lonely. God... your name is I AM. Can you be I AM your friend. I AM your comfort. Lord, can i have some actual people friends or nah?
     What am i doing so wrong? I don't want to just get along because of ministry or work obligations. my life is so empty. no job to hide at. No Mooka to keep me company. No men or dating. Lord, help. God are you isolating me or did I build a wall and not realize it. God, PLEASE. Talk to me. When them old people said God would be your friend. Were they lying? Where are my friends?
     I need to find people who do what I like to do.
     When I get home from wherever I've been. Who do i share that with. If work was hard today, who do i tell? Why do i have to be so understanding and try to listen? No one every really wanted me. Veronica's father did not even like me... he just did what he always does with women and I was stupid enough to believe him and get pregnant.

Dear God... Your Will Be Done...

🔆so... I'm glad that my God has me and keeps me in the Palm of HIS ✋!!
🔆 Lord, I guess it's time to just pick up and go somewhere else... Veronica is graduating from elementary school this year... I would love to relocate💯💯💯
🔆Being honest... Maybe John Gray Nem church... Winner's Church?
🔆 God... I am going to start exercising regularly!! ...as well as meditation and prayer... I want to hear and obey... Everyday!

Help

Today was BOOONKEY. I was annoyed at the lateness of the other members. I was 💯 uncomfortable with how u was to lead... I don't get it... But... I'll be obedient. I was unsure of the worship song... Because I didnt want to pick the wrong song...

I am at the same brick wall I always hit.
What you mean God where God is leading???
I have never been sure of ANYTHING like that...
Pray more... Okay... Just Pray More...

Where is everyone???

My Realest Really Real 🙏Prayer🙏

https://youtu.be/xUT4trsrBCw

Lord, Help.

This is not the life that I thought I was going to live... and to top it all off... my life has been stagnant for a while... I need change... But, separating myself?? I usually withdraw from everyone when I feel left out... But this cannot be my default response to hurt feelings.

Lord... I need you to quiet my spirit. So, I can hear you. Lord, I did not like when Apostle said that you don't talk that much. I just felt like... You do speak alot... But through different mediums and methods.

Lord... I'm going to be 40 years old... and I have what? What do I have to show for it? What have I done that is meaningful? How has my life gotten better? My life HAS to be more than being Veronica's mother.

I think that I really need to move. West Palm Beach... It's just not FOR me...

🎤Help...🎶

Lord, I need your help... I, right now, am not consistently nor trying to get up in the morning... Nor am I being consistent with my daughter's, study, life schedule.

Another fight... The longest fight

Lord help me... I am tired of losing the same battle... The dirty house and fake intimacy with men... I am sick of both of them... Ignoring men and my house doesn't work... Help me Lord.

Being out of work didn't aggravate me as much as men... And this nasty house...

War Room

I need THIS so bad. I need to be consistent with my prayer life and with my relationship with the Lord. I do NOT want to be unfaithful.

God... I need you

Lord, I thank you for your life. I thank you for your strength and power. It is by you that every thing that has ever been made is, was, will be made. I NEED YOU. I have a path to walk that i was NOT meant to walk alone. YOU are to be on this path with me. I need your companionship and your ultra realness.

My Brother

Yesterday... I met up with my cousin because I had left my phone's case... Afterwards, I tried to go to Dave & Buster's but they were already closing up... The dude working there recommended the Ale House nearby. I went there to get a drink or two... To maybe get a li'l buzz and go home.

     So... I went up in there to have my drinks and possibly a comfortable conversation with a fellow human being. I met Gary. He seemed cool and sweet and approachable. We talked... Pretty innocuous conversation.

18Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him.

Thank You

The previous week was totally weird and uncomfortable and had me dealing with issues and concerns that I would rather NOT have to deal with:
1) feeling unattractive
2) doubting whether someone who I feel is worthy or acceptable to bring into your lives should want me for anything more that a booty call
3) wondering if I'll ever be hired into the job that will comfortably susstain my daughter and myself
4) wanting a house of my own so that I can nuture pets
5) wanting pets so that something loves and needs me and wants me around indefinitely and will exercise with me
6) being in a funk and debating inwardly about quitting a pretty easy job with BOTH inconsistent and mediocre pay
7) inwardly waring with being alone for eternity
8) just feeling sad and lethargic
9) wanting to loose weight... At least moving in the right direction... Down to 150#
10) speaking out to my situations

(*) I ain't been praying or reading my bible as I should... Or listening to OBE church LA... My spirit is starving... I need You Lord... I can't make it nowhere without you with me at ALL times

But at church today... Both of my churches... At St. John I was a part of the praise team... And I thank God for the togetherness and unity when we sing together... On one accord to praise and worship GOD... Then at S ave... GOD manifested his spirit is so many ways..  I MUST call JESUS. 🎼something happens when I call Him..  I've been all down in the dumps because I didn't call HIM!! I have to call JESUS if I want ANYTHING to happen... We iver cone by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.

I guess they are gone

All my dudes... They are all gone... Too busy... Too whatever... They gone...

SPEAK!

This has been coming back to me over and over again for the last couple of weeks!! Speak!!

Hebrews 13:15 KJV

By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.

Isaiah 57:19 KJV

I create the fruit of the lips; Peace, peace to him that is far off, and to him that is near, saith the Lord ; and I will heal him.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"Speak"

I shall have -what I decree.
Yes, I believe it belongs to me. [x2]

[Leader:] Say one more believe it, say it

So, I'm going to speak into the atmosphere.
[Leader:] Whatever God has decree to you speak into
Speak into the atmosphere

[Leader:] Lay your hands on yourself this time

I shall have -what I decree.
Yes, I believe it belongs to me. [x2]

[Leader:] Speak with your mouth I

So, I'm going to speak into the atmosphere.
[Leader:] You got to open up your mouth & speak into
Speak into the atmosphere

[Leader:] But you got to believe it in your heart & in your spirit. Speak into the atmosphere

Speak into the atmosphere
[Leader:] Just walk around your house & begin to speak it speak it speak it speak into.
Speak into the atmosphere

[Leader:] Whatever it is - Just speak it

Speak it [x8]
[Leader:] Open Up Your Mouth and [x3]
Declare it [x8]
It's Mine [x8]

[Leader:] Healing -Deliverance-It is mine -it is- Say Yeah

Yeah [x8]

[Leader:]
Do you Believe it-Do you receive it-You shall have it
You shall... have it.-You shall... You Shall

Speak [x7]

[Leader:]
Over your home -over your finances-over your health you shall... you shall...

Speak into the atmosphere
Speak into the atmosphere

I shall have -what I decree.
Yes, I believe it belongs to me.

So, I'm going to speak into the atmosphere.
[Leader:] All over the house speak it
Speak into the atmosphere
[Leader:] Right where you are speak into
Speak into the atmosphere

God... I need you

God... I need you... I need to talk to you... and most importantly I need to hear your words to me...

What I really need to focus on:

-quality time with God

-clean my car

-wash our clothes

-clean house 

-palm beach state classes - BAS Certified Hacker Degree

God Speaks...

Whom shall I fear? The lord is the strength of my life. Whom shall I fear?

The lord is my light and my salvation... Whom shall I fear?

In the time of trouble he shall hide me... He shall strengthen thine heart.

Jesus said i am the light.

I am the light of the world.

Walk in the light. 

The beautiful light of Jesus.

In response to my tears and frustration last night... I KNOW these "old" gospel songs spoke directly to my heart.

I know that these songs encouraged me and were exactly what I needed to hear.

If Job waited on the Lord... So can I!

I am going to wait on the Lord!!!!