Catharsis

This is NOT the life that I thought I would have at this age... I'm getting too old for my dream... I'm going to be too old to finish school... Too old to get married and have children from my husband... I can't teach my daughter about dating because I have not dated or been woed or courted and it must be my fault... I'm too old for my dream... It hurts me to feel like this... I'm too old to dance... I'm too old to be attractive... I am too old to want more... I am too old to not have a house or any kind of decent credit... I am too old to not have answers to my questions... I am too old to not know what I want... I am too old to get the job of my dreams... I am not pretty enough to get a husband... What man will want me now? I'm not fun enough or interesting enough for a man to want only me... I am not smart enough to get scholarships or qualify for financial aid... I have been a Christian FOREVER and I STILL don't know Gods voice or his plan for me or why in the world he wants me to be here...but... I'm staying and I'm trying and I'm not giving up!!!!!!!! I want a puppy! ...I know this may sound stupid... But I want a puppy because he will love me and show me affection and want to be around me everyday and not want to leave me... Is that so wrong?

La Casa de Mis Sueños

Check out this 3 bd, 2.5 ba, 2,494 sqft home at 149 Edgewood Dr that I found on Zillow: http://u.zillow.com/p3Awvz

I know what I want? 🙏 ...but I want God's best for my life...

I know what I want? 🙏 ...but I want God's best for my life...

Really...

This is what happens when you are exceedingly impatient... backtracking... it is NOT cute...

Mr. #1

He's been acting a tad different... We shall see where it goes... Oh... He read the love languages book too... So I guess we can at least be good friends... I like the sound of that...

We'll miss "Rabbit"

My grandfather passed away the Monday before Valentine's Day:

-He was a quiet man

-Never raised his voice

-Loved his family as children the best he could

-Extremely soft spoken and even-tempered

He will be missed... I just pray that when we get to heaven we can get to know each other then...

We miss Robert Duncan Jones. A tall brown skinned slim and soft spoken man... 

But he loved the "High-Lie" and wasn't mean spirited...

The end of an era...

Well... Valentine's Day marks the end of the hot potato... or hot tomato season I was going through... be careful what you wish for... I'm back on level zero. LOL.

WoW

If you are God's... he will block success you try to achieve without Him

Mandate... do you have the mandate?

Let them talk...

Let the person talk... the answer is within the person talking

16 Things Your Boyfriend Should Be Telling You - Mark Radcliffe

Copyright © 2015 TheHuffingtonPost.coM

Dear Ladies Who Are On The Fence About Whether Or Not to Dump The Guy Who's Taking You For Granted: Here's what you should be hearing from the guy who's worthy of your time. Maybe not right away, but within, say, three to six months. Otherwise, hit the "next" button. For the sake of both you and all the guys out there who are waiting for you to be single again.

1. I adore you. This isn't about sex; this isn't about desire. This is about how you make me glow whenever you walk into a room, glad that you just exist, whether I'm the guy beside you or just someone admiring you from twenty feet away.

2. You inspire me. I love how you're living your life, what you're devoting yourself to, how you're spending your time, what path you've chosen, how you deal with the people around you.

3. I respect you. You're the first person I think of when I want a serious opinion on something. Anything. From topics like "Am I being an asshole here?" to "Which is better, Mad Men or Breaking Bad?"

4. I just love kissing you. Okay, so, years from now, if by some awful paragliding accident we both end up paralyzed and have no use of our lower extremities and can never get it on again, I'll still feel pretty good about it as long as I can just kiss you as much as I want.

5. I don't want to change you. Yes, there are some things about you that I don't get. That I don't love. But you're you. And all the other stuff that comes with you, I would never want to lose. So I don't want to disturb the equation. I want to keep it intact. And just help it grow.

6. I accept your drama. Sure, you've got some anger issues with your mom. Or dad. Or sister. Or job that you're trying to get out of. I can handle that, even when it's a bit exhausting. I even support it. None of us is drama-free, me especially. I respect that you're fighting against something.

7. I've totally got the hots for you.As in: Seriously, can we get these clothes off already? I'm dying here. We should really find our way to the nearest bedroom. Or kitchen. Or rooftop.

8. I love that you tell me off sometimes. Seriously. I may not always admit it, but I respect it. I'm full of bullshit sometimes, and I like to know you won't take it. If I'm gonna have someone by my side, I better know she didn't just fall for the first guy that came along, and she'll keep holding me to my higher standards. I don't want a pushover.

9. You're on my mind. Constantly. Especially when I'm supposed to be thinking about something else. When I'm at work, giving a presentation, watching a movie with my buds. There you are, all in the middle of my shit, outta nowhere. And yet, I can't help but smile.

10. You captivate me. You have my full attention. I'm not thinking about her. Or her. Or her. Just you. Oh, and that presentation I have this week. And my taxes that are due. But mostly just you.

11. I forgive you. The other day, you were completely crazy. Seriously, you went off the deep end about something. You blamed me for something I didn't do, or didn't actually say, or didn't actually think. But hey, you're human, you're allowed a "gimme" now and then. (As am I.) And look, with all the beauty you bring to my life, I'm still coming out way ahead.

12. I love you. Sorry to get all heavy on you, but it's true. While the last guy you dated for three years could never say it, I'm telling you now: I love you. You're wonderful. I want to be more like you. I want others to be more like you. I want whatever kids we might hypothetically have together to be like you. You're my idea of a fantastic person. I want to help you be as "you" as possible.

13. I can't stop talking about you.You're not some little secret I keep. Or hide. You're my favorite thing on the planet. I told my mom about you before we even had our first date. I told my buddies about you immediately after our first date (didn't wanna jinx it). You're a story I could tell over and over and over again.

14. I see my future with you. Sure, I may not say this right away -- I mean hopefully I won't say this right away, for fear of scaring you off -- but I'm thinking about it. We men, we can be planners, we can project, we can get ahead of ourselves. And me? I wanna get ahead of myself with you.

15. I just need to hold you. I may not always feel like having sex. I may not always feel like kissing. But I just need to be kinda near you. Be next to you. Be unable to lay away from you on the bed without wrapping myself around you. I don't even understand it, frankly, but I do. So accept it, please. It's something that something inside of me knows I need.

16. Thank you. For existing. For being you. For having your smile. For having the laugh that you do. For laughing at the things you do. For not laughing at the things you think are too stupid. For having a point of view and a strong sense of self. For wearing that amazing skirt the day I met you. For not wearing it when I introduced you to my mom. For having your standards. For getting pissed off when something matters. For showing your appreciation when you see beauty. For just existing. Seriously, I may never even get a chance with you, and if so, so be it. I'm just glad the universe made you. It makes me feel a lot better about the place I live in. But, barring that, come here please. I need to kiss you now. And for a while after that

Decisions... final flag

I have been dragging my feet, but I must be honest with myself...

1. He doesn't sound happy when he talks to me
2. He doesn't smile at me anymore
3. I feel like he just feels sorry for me
4. I feel tolerated not cared for...
5. The extra curricular activities are beyond compare... but it's not enough
6. I will NEVER be invited ANYWHERE
7. What do I amicably do?

Do I need to sit down and talk with him about anything? I really don't think so... he's ALREADY a shadow... and I don't need pity... something inside me says just stop calling... is that the answer? Do we really NEED to be good friends... acquaintances has been enough... I will NEVER meet his true core of friends... but do I want to... why does this hurt?? ...because of the sex... not because of any memories

Truthfully

God... I started following and waiting for and looking for a lowercase him... You... the UPPERCASE Him just fell of my radar... forgive me.

2015 - Divine Grace

3 x 5 = 15
Perfection and grace...

10 + 5 = 15
In Hebrew... spell out God's name... the fountain of God's grace...

8 + 7 = 15

All references to resurrection!!
15 - the divine perfection of grace
GOD added 15 years to Hezekiah
Esther - the 15th day they rested and feasted

Supernatural encounters - spiritual warfare is easier

2015 ...the revelation...

2015
1. Revelation magnified
2. Repentance... spirit of repentance I creased
3. Returning to the kingdom... Gods kingdom is priority or returning to its proper status in people's lives
4. Refreshing... old cycles broken... fresh air
5. Recovery... overtake without trying... bad choices recovered
6. Revealing... super natural change in your nature... God will reveal Himself....
7. Restoration... change of ownership... no
8. Revival... water level will rise... generations will be transformed

Yesterday...

I met the man in my dream... I had the most intense case of déjà vu that i have ever experienced... I went to court on Tuesday for my red light rocket pre-trial hearing. I saw what I thought was an old friend or acquaintance... We met up right after leaving court $106 poorer due to court costs... We talked about everything... Trying to figure out how we know each other... It turns out... We DON'T... he's from Birmingham, Alabama... He was in the army... He is currently a personal trainer and whole foods employee... Oh, and he's 27... That last bit of numerical knowledge was not divulged until after I has the BEST CONVERSATION IN MY LIFE. We talked about everything and then how we feel about everything and about God and His place in the universe as well as ours... We stayed together until about 5PM... Then I realized around 2PM... After a brief exercise session... I KNOW how I KNOW Him... He's my man... He fought for me against another guy and prevailed and now we are together... In my minds' memory... Is is familiar because I remember him and our interactions in my dream... Lord help me understand more.

In this dream I realized that I have a track record of picking guys who gone leave because they don't really want totalktoeaxcher.